Zen and the Art of Dart Throwing Maintenance

March 8, 2013

Those that follow Volano or have visited our office Downtown know that we take a little time out of each day to stretch, catch up on projects and play a competitive game of 301 (Darts). Whether you’re a client or simply a follower of Volano, it is important that you understand the line-up and style of each player. Guests are always welcome to join us and this breakdown might offer you a competitive advantage.

Rod “Cool Hand Luke” Smith.

Rod is one of the most consistent dart throwers and likes to hit the triple 19. He has a distinctive throwing style that consists of going through several practice throwing motions with his dart hand before releasing the dart. The level of concentration is admirable given the equal or not greater level of pure boobery taking place around him in an effort to get in his dome.

Don “Zero Gravity” Stavneak

Don is also a consistent leader in darts and has a unique throwing style that borrows heavily from The Matrix. For our younger readers, The Matrix was an academy award winning epic saga starring method actor Keanu Reeves, also known as the guy who plays the same character in every movie he’s ever been in and whose acting range consists of one emotion – dumbfounded. Don arches his body forward over the dart line of scrimmage at an angle that defies physics. While staying legal in his position, he is able to get 2-3 critical feet closer to the board without tipping and hits “bulls” and “double bulls” as often as many of us miss the board in its entirety.

Derek “Concussive Force” Jensen

Derek’s brute-force style of play belies his otherwise genteel demeanor. It’s been said of Derek that the terrible velocity of his throws (when they hit the board) can cause the dart board to confuse the math in its scorekeeping. Derek is as surprised as the rest of us when, on the off chance, his dart hits approximately where it is aimed. We keep our distance during his turns.

Brandon “Kids Get in the House” Moser

Brandon is quietly the most competitive of Volano dart players. Like Rod, he likes to aim for the 19 and frequently hits it. If he has a poor turn, you can count on the next one being 100 points. Brandon’s true competitive advantage is his confidence. The same cavalier disdain that he demonstrates toward personal hygiene can be seen in his tolerance for bad dart playing. His throwing style can most aptly be compared to the “Crane” kick popularized by Ralph Macchio in the Karate Kid series.

Jeremy “Ragin’ Cajun” O’Quin

Jeremy can never be underestimated at Darts. He will quietly outperform other Volano players and varies his throwing style wildly. Jeremy hails from Louisiana and is working on making his dart proficiency equal to his amazing cooking skills.

Kelly “Broken Darts” Grace

Kelly has a wildly inconsistent throwing method which makes him an X factor in every game. He will show moments of incomprehensible raw talent, hitting three tripe scores in a turn and will follow that round with two bovine misses and a three. It is accepted* that Kelly’s darts are likely not in proper working order, causing these issues. His throwing style has been compared to a toddler having a temper tantrum.
*accepted only by Kelly

David “Math Skills” Carnley

David is a frequent contender for the daily dart trophy but his dart style of play is overshadowed by the quickness with which he can calculate where he needs to throw darts to reach the desired score necessary for him to overtake a winner by finishing 301 with a bulls-eye or positioning himself for an iron-clad win. David likes to have his K-Mart underwear when he plays and will not miss The People Court when it comes on after Darts.

Shane “The Clown” Fitch

Shane Fitch is a fine player. His throwing style is not remarkable, however he likes to make remarks while others are throwing, often waiting for the perfect moment to crack wise and throw a player out of rhythm. Psy-Ops is his differentiator. Shane does impressions and is quick with a joke, often sang in rhyme of as an impression. A highly dangerous player.

We have three developers that work remotely, Jeremy, Luis and Harry. They make up strong bench strength for Volano and are always factors.

Derek Jensen in the wind up
Derek Jensen in the wind up

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